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Thursday, October 02, 2003
A Not-Very-Good-Day

Today I went to school. It was a moderately bad day, owing to the fact that during the beginning, I basically embarrassed myself, and then during and assembly, I sat next the devil's earthly representation, Tyler Massengill, who, in an attempt to act tough, twisted my neck all the way around. Then, after I repaired the ligaments with rubbing motions, he proceeded to "one two three PUNCH" me. Then he gave me the worst noogie of my life. I was sitting next to a friend on the other side, and I had to work hard to prevent myself from crying from sheer misery. ANYWAY: afterwards, I went to Phys Ed and played my favorite game, dodgeball, and caught a ball that allowed my entire team to come back into the game. Then after school, I was picked up by my dad and dropped off at my mom's. My brother's friend came over, my brother left for football practice, and I stayed on my computer while the friend watch Kung Pow in the other room. Then he left, and I had dinner. Then my mom came home, and I searched around for a good Journal site, which I found, obvioiusly. I wonder how my day will end. Probably in sleep.

Posted at 09:01 pm by eedd13
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Friday, October 03, 2003

Today is  Homecoming day. I march in a parade at 2. We're performing Eye of the Tiger. I REALLY hope that the small amount of rain that is falling outside gets worse. I don't like performing in parades. Especially when the last practice we had, we didn't do well in. Well, Nothing really happened yet at this time, so I'll wait until later to post some more.

Posted at 11:53 am by eedd13
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Thursday, November 13, 2003

I love Kathleen Cook. There, I said it, and it is TRUE! I have a picture that she nonchalantly drew in science class the other day on my closet door. She offered it to me that day, not knowing how much it meant to me. And I took it and put it up. I look at it as much as I can.

Some people may think I'm obsessed, but nobody around me even knows. I'm not obsessed, though. I'm in love. I just wish I could tell her, but of course I can't. That would mean certain death. So I wait, as I see her relationship with Nathan Whitman grow and grow. Ooh, it almost makes me sick.

Sometimes it does. One day, I was at Pearce Community Center, and I played "beach" volleyball with her and Nathan on the basketball court. Oh, the ball hurt when it whacked my outstretched forearms, but anything to be next to my only love. But, eventually, I was erased from that picture, and Kathleen and Nathan started playing together, by themselves, so secluded, yet in a 100 yd x 100 yd room filled with people. I would have given anything to be Nathan right then. I felt SO awful. I wanted to vomit.

That's my life. A series of disappointments. Forgive me for whining, but I don't do it anywhere else, so I have to expel my guts in one direction while I compliment and act content in the other.

But just today, after Phys. Ed, I was walking up the stairs to get to my classes, with Kathleen behind me. As I reached the door at the top, I turned around and held the door open for Kathleen.

"Oh, thank you Ethan, you're so sweet," she said. Now you have to understand, she doesn't really ever compliment anyone, but she's still one of the nicest people ever. But the way she said it, her "line delivery", so to speak, really got me. It was 100% sincere, yet there was a hint of something else in it. I would define it as slightly sarcastic making-me-feel-better-about-myselfity, or mmfbam. I hate it when people are nice to me just to make me feel better about myself, even when I'm feeling just perfect. People do this alot. Maybe one day in the past I came to school and looked sad or something, and then I looked like I enjoyed the mmfbam, so they continued doing it. I don't know. I was just SO happy that she called me sweet. But to completely ruin the effect, I thanked her quietely, and waddled away.

How I would have wanted this situation to have went, ideally:

"Oh, thank you Ethan, you're so sweet," she said. I spun around, walked backwards while thanking her. I trip over my feet. She laughs. I smile at her. She smiles at me and helps me up. I walk up next to her, light as a feather. We walk down the hallway, talking, laughing, bonding. When we get to Mr. Razo's Social Studies class, she sits down next to me, and we smile and flirt throughout the entire class. Then we sweep right past an awkward-looking Nathan after class is over.

I hate my walk. I walk like both my legs are aching and my butt weighs 50 pounds. Seriously, I don't know how to walk well. I mean, I can walk easily, but it doesn't look or feel right. I guess I don't bend my knees enough, or let my shoulders be loose enough. But I loved it when she called me sweet.

And then after school, I was standing outside the building, next to a group of people. Kathleen was about to walk past me, but she kind of paused when she was close to me, and then kept on walking.

How I would have wanted this situation to have went, ideally:

After school, I was standing outside the building, next to a group of people. Kathleen was about to walk past me, but she paused when she was close to me, walked up, and conspicuously whispered in my ear, "Follow me to the bike rack." I followed her to the bike rack. She smiled at me. I smiled at her. It normally would have been an awkward situation, but the aura around us gleamed with a bright warmth. We talk politely, and then get into stuff more personal, such as our family, our interests, and our cares. We end up having almost identical interests and family problems. After 15 minutes of this, when the only people left in the school are the people who are having an extra study session, we realize we've missed our busses (i don't even take the bus, but hey, let me dream). So I walk the 20 minutes home with her, and it's the least boring 20 minute walk ever. About 5 minutes in, Nathan slowly goes by us on his bike. As Kathleen completely ignores him, I delight in the jealous look on his face. About 5 minutes after this, I put my arm around Kathleen. She puts her arm around my waist. We walk there in a happy silence for a while. When we get to her house, she rewards me with a delightfully sensual goodbye kiss. I give her a final gentle hand squeeze and I walk away, not looking back until she's in her house, sighing pleasantly over me.

My life as of 7:52 PM, Nov. 13 2003- 7/10

Moods- Frustrated/Happy

Posted at 07:52 pm by eedd13
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Saturday, December 06, 2003

Yesterday was an incredibly good day.

Yesterday morning, I woke up to find that my mom had cooked eggs. Wow!
Yesterday morning, I went to school and Kathleen walked up to me and we talked for 15 minutes. Wow!
Yesterday morning, we switched seats in my class and Kathleen wanted the desk next to me, and she got it. Wow!
Yesterday afternoon, I sat next to Kathleen in lunch. Everyone left us alone, and I confessed that I've always really liked her. She told me she really likes me. Wow!
Yesterday afternoon, Kathleen and I walked around together at recess. I made her laugh 8 times, and made her smile 23 times. Wow!
Yesterday afternoon, I asked Kathleen out. She accepted. Wow!
Yesterday afternoon, I got a small kiss on the cheek from Kathleen after helping her over a puddle walking home. Wow!
Yesterday afternoon, I saw Kathleen off at her house's door and got a 10 second kiss on the lips for "being such a sweetie". Wow!
Yesterday afternoon, I walked off from Kathleen's house with her phone number and a truckload of confidence. Wow!
Yesterday night, I got a call from Kathleen. We talked for hours. Wow!
Yesterday night, I made Kathleen laugh 5 times, and made her say I was the most mature, intelligent person that she has ever known. Wow!
Yesterday night, I made the boldest move I ever have and snuck out my window, walked over to Kathleen's house, and she climbed down her roof, and I caught her in my arms. We danced to the sounds of ambience for thirty minutes. Wow!
Yesterday night, I got my first kiss goodnight from anyone outside my family. And what a kiss it was. Wow!

I love Kathleen Cook more than anyone ever has.

Posted at 10:08 am by eedd13
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